|How I Knew Janice|
An additional tribute page can be found
here. For a look at the memorial ad I took out
in the local paper on the one year anniversary of her passing, click here.
1) My wedding to Janice Elaine Harvey, on May 18, 2003.
2) My favorite picture of Janice...although she hated it...saying she looked like ''a bush with legs''!!
3) Her parents, Roland and Sonia Harvey, favorite picture of Janice, their only child.
4) The cremation urn that I chose for her...green was her favorite color, as evidenced by the color scheme on this page...to go with the black background of mourning.
5) The headstone on her grave. Her urn is in a mausoleum in Apopka, Florida, where her parents live.
6) The cremation urn that I have for myself. Janice loved music, and she praised God with her talents.
7) The memorial flower arrangement I had at Second Baptist Church, Little Rock, Arkansas (my one time church home), in memory of both Janice, and my father, J.D.; pancreatic cancer claimed his life almost 3 months before Janice died. He and my Mom had celebrated their 54th wedding anniversary the previous Dec. 20.
8) The two Lucite Replica bricks of the 2 engraved bricks at the Diamond Terrace, which is located at the headquarters of the American Radio Relay League, the U.S. National Association for Amateur Radio...in Newington, Connecticut, a suburb of Hartford. One is for the one I have taken out in her memory as my wife (which I kept)...and the other is the one I took out in memory of her, from her parents (which they have). While Janice was my wife, she was first and foremost, Roland and Sonia Harvey's daughter.
Janice was studying for her Technician Class Amateur Radio license at the time of her death...and she was looking forward to sharing another one of my hobbies. As a side note, XYL is ham radio shorthand for ''ex-young lady''... more appropriately ''wife''. And, DE is ham radio shorthand for the word ''from''. These bricks have my original ham radio callsign of N5VLZ...but as of June 5, 2009, I held the vanity callsign AE5WX. Then as of Dec. 27, 2012, I now hold the vanity callsign WX1DER.
Tragically, a heart attack claimed her life on April 27, 2007; 3 weeks shy of our 4th wedding anniversary...she was only 48 years old. This website is dedicated to her memory.
Special thanks goes to Griffin Leggett Funeral Homes, who handled Janice's funeral...and who will handle mine, if I should die before the Rapture Of The Church. I highly recommend pre-arrangement for funeral planning for everyone...whether you use Griffin Leggett Funeral Homes, or some other funeral home. It can save a lot of stress and grief to those left behind at your death.
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After moving to the United States with her family, to obtain medical treatment, Janice became a naturalized U.S. Citizen. She graduated from St. Mary's Catholic Academy in Bronx, New York...then later graduated from Cornell University in Ithaca, New York, with a Bachelor Of Arts Degree in Psychology. After moving to Arkansas, she graduated from the University Of Arkansas at Little Rock, with a Master Of Arts Degree in Psychology.
Throughout her life, she didn't let her disabilities hinder her creativity, or her desire to succeed. Janice was caring, unselfish, and gave of herself in so many ways. Reading and music were her passions. She also had a love for all creatures of God's Creation, and she had a special love for dachshunds...also known as ''weenie dogs''. For a look at the two dachshunds that Janice and I had at separate times during our marriage (we only had one dachshund at a time), click here.
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Anyway, I was at her house, helping her with a computer issue, and was seated in a swivel chair, which was on a threadbare rug on a hardwood floor. She told me to NOT lean back in the chair, but like a ''type A male'', I didn't listen. The chair basically ''bit me'', tipping over, and cutting a huge gash in my lower back. She said ''OK, take off your shirt'', then she broke out the First Aid Kit, and began swabbing the wound. A few days later, I had to go to the clinic, due to lower back pain...and the doctor remarked ''whoever worked on this virtually wiped out any chance of infection''...and that stuck with me all these years.
Just before I proposed to her in 2002, I was walking her weenie dog (dachshund), Fritz, (who thought he was too sexy for his shirt, but he was too fat)...and somehow, the retractable leash came off of his collar, retracted at full speed, and popped me squarely in the groin, sending me to the ground in pain!! To make matters worse, Fritz decided to jump on my groin, where I had just been ''popped''!!
Janice came outside, saw me down, in pain, and helped me get inside. Embarassingly, I ''had her take a look'', as I thought I was in mortal danger (males can bleed to death from an injury in that area). I asked her if she thought any less of me (I thought she was going to dump me like a hot rock), and she said ''I give you credit for your common sense...I would have called the paramedics if I had seen blood''. I knew right then that she was the one for me...and proposed to her two days later. If she wasn't going to take care of me before marriage, I knew that she wouldn't take care of me after marriage. So, you could say that even Fritz, her dachshund, wanted me (grin!).
Through our engagement, we had numerous instances of ''reading each others minds''...where we were ''just thinking about what the other one had just spoken about''. That ''bonding'' strengthened us further, as my parents were originally opposed to the marriage...but they accepted her soon after, in seeing how happy we were together.
We were married on May 18, 2003 at the Community Church Of God in Bryant, Arkansas, by her pastor, Leon Steele. While the wedding normally takes place in the brides church, and she moves to her husbands church after the wedding...as a courtesy to Janice, I was at her church throughout our marriage. We spent our honeymoon at DeGray State Park Lodge, north of Arkadelphia, Arkansas...and had planned to go there for a second honeymoon. Sadly, we never got that chance.
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A viewing and funeral service was held in Little Rock, Arkansas on May 2 and 3, 2007...followed by cremation, as she had wished. On May 11, 2007, a memorial service was held for her in Apopka, Florida, where the urn of her remains were laid to rest, until The Rapture Of The Church, when she will receive a new, incorruptible, immortal body.
In lieu of flowers, the family kindly requests that memorials be made to:
1) The Community Church Of God, Bryant, Arkansas
2) The American Diabetes Association, or your local diabetes research group. There is a Tour De Cure bike race that takes place each year, and it's a series of fundraising cycling events held in 43 states nationwide, to benefit the American Diabetes Association. The Tour is a ride, not a race, with routes designed for everyone from the occasional rider to the experienced cyclist. Whether you ride 10 miles or 100 miles, you will travel a route; supported from start to finish with rest stops, food to fuel the journey and fans to cheer you on! Each Tour de Cure event has its own character and style...from unique starting points, to gorgeous scenery, and more!
3) Heart Clinic Arkansas, 10100 Kanis Road, Little Rock, Arkansas 72205.
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While it does get lonely at times, especially when I see young couples together...remarriage is the LAST thing on my mind right now, for 4 reasons.
First, due to health and financial issues, I just exited Chapter 13 Bankruptcy, but I will have a ''credit black eye'' for a longer period of time...and I would not want to put that burden onto a future spouse. So, any ''dating'' would not occur until well after the Chapter 13 Bankruptcy is REMOVED from the credit records...which will be at least 2020 at the earliest.
Second, I'm also much busier now than when I was married...and, with the world events nowadays, the Rapture Of The Church may occur before I ever date again...let alone re-marry.
Third, another reason for not worrying about remarriage, is that my disability and health insurance could be taken away...which would leave me with no income whatsoever. While I was raised with the concept that ''the man is the main income provider of the household''...my body basically said one day ''you're not going to do this anymore''...and, I obviously did not ask to be disabled...and believe me, it is a mixed blessing.
Lastly, I have been told that ''I have too much emotional baggage, and am too overbearing'' by several church congregations... so, while I have NOT ''given up'' on The Lord...I have ''given up'' on being a part of any area congregation.
Even if I started a new relationship tomorrow, I would want to date her for at least ONE FULL YEAR, then be engaged for ONE FULL YEAR, before getting married again...if that is in fact, The Lord's Will. So, it would be a MINIMUM of TWO YEARS before the wedding itself...after I started dating again. But, considering the issues noted above, I have no plans to start dating until possibly 2020, at the earliest.
The ONLY way I would marry sooner than that would be if The Lord Jesus Christ appeared before me in All His Glory. I would, of course, fall prostrate at His Feet, in worship...as No One Else But Jesus will get anyone...myself included...into Heaven...and Christ Alone is worthy of the praise. Then, if He had a woman with Him, and said to me ''This is your new wife''...I would reply ''OK, Lord...when do I set the wedding date??''.
However, if The Good Lord does lead me to another virtuous woman, such as Janice was...and it occurs before the Rapture Of The Church...my new wife will have a very high standard to measure up to...and to even hold a candle to what Janice was. For a look at ''the inner beauty'' that Janice had, click here.
This woman MUST have the following eighteen (18) qualifications...if these are not met, she should NOT read any further, as I won't even be interested.
While some will say all of this is ''overkill'...and they would say that ''these take me off the market'' (I hardly consider myself as ''fresh meat'')...the truth is that ''you can't be too careful nowadays''. Besides, if I'm this open now, BEFORE starting a new relationship...I would expect likewise from a future spouse. If she isn't willing to accept these conditions...a pre-nupital agreement, if you please...she doesn't need to waste her time (or mine) in the matter. Besides, if God took me just as I was...with all my sins, faults, and infirmities...when I prayed to accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour...I would expect no less from a future spouse.
Also, I do NOT consider a woman as ''a piece of meat'', or a ''sex toy''. As a magnet that Janice bought for me years ago noted, ''Happiness Is Being Married To Your Best Friend''. Whether in a friendship, an engagement, or a marriage relationship, I value the woman's friendship more than sex...the latter which I view as a ''fringe benefit'' in the marriage relationship. But, with numerous health issues that I have (noted below), sex is the LAST thing on my mind in a relationship. Pardon the bluntness, but numerous health issues, noted below, would probably keep me from consumating the marriage relationship, anyway.
Years ago, in a Sunday School class in the Singles Department of the church where I was attending, one of the young
ladies lamented ''Lord, if you don't give me a man, I'm going to die!!''...and THAT TURNED ME OFF!! I was also
engaged once before...but this woman was ''possessively jealous''...wanting for ''me to do all the giving, and her to do
all the taking''. Basically, I was to ''give up all my hobbies, interests, etc. outside of work...and spend every waking moment
with her''. Thankfully, I ended that relationship before it went any further. No wonder I didn't get married for
the first time until I was 43...but I never dreamed that I'd be widower at 47.
2) She must not smoke, or use tobacco products. To me, kissing a smoker is like licking an ash tray (if that is not gross, I don't know what is). Being in a smoke filled room not only makes your clothes reek of the stench, it also makes me start coughing violently...which can lead to vomiting.
3) She must not drink alcoholic beverages. I lost a close friend in college to a drunk driver. At the reception following my wedding to Janice, we had ''chilled, clear sparkling grape juice''...which really hit the spot, as it were. We didn't want to be liable for the deaths of anyone that might have been involved in a drunk driving accident afterwards. Plus, with my digestive tract issues, I had to watch what I ate...not just from the plate to the mouth. Janice could, in her words ''eat whatever didn't eat her first...she'd bite it back!!''. I had only one SMALL piece of wedding cake...the piece that Janice fed me. Otherwise, the richness of the cake and frosting...combined with the other food and NON-ALCOHOLIC beverages...would have made me very ill. Considering I was up all night before the wedding putting the reception things together (while I let Janice sleep), I was ill with abdominal cramps from the stress before the wedding...and almost didn't make it to the church!! The last thing I wanted or needed, was to be ill on our wedding night...especially since I had to do all of the driving.
4) She must not use illicit drugs, or medications not specifically meant for her health. Janice had a whole list of prescribed medications that she took. Right now, I am on several medications, plus a daily vitamin (most are taken daily, and others on an ''as needed basis''. Each of us printed up a ''medication list'' each time we'd go to visit our respective physicians...listing the prescription, dosage, etc., so the physician could have a better analysis of our conditions.
5) She must not have a cursing tongue, especially in regards to taking the Lord's Name in vain. Profanity is the attempt of a feeble mind to express itself forcibly. While everyone has ''a vocabulary'', the taking of The Lord's Name in Vain, is where I DRAW THE LINE. Besides, ''The Lord will not hold them guiltless, who take His Name in vain'' (Exodus 20:7). If she needed to, Janice could ''tell somebody off''...WITHOUT ONE SINGLE WORD OF PROFANITY. She was also very good at solving ''word puzzles'', and ''had a word for everything''.
6) She must not be squeamish (''sympathy sickness'')...I've been this way for over 45 years. If I hear, see, or smell, someone gagging or vomiting, I likely will do the same within 10 seconds. I felt bad that I could not be with Janice when she was this ill, but she told me that ''it's in your nature...you can't control it''. Plus, she knew two psychology professors at the local college (the University Of Arkansas At Little Rock), who both have ''sympathy sickness''. They...of all people...should know how to deal with it...but they could not!! Ironically, Janice could watch the ''most graphic blood and guts medical video''...and if she had her bag of pork rinds, and a cold soft drink...she was happy as a clam!! I was either taking the dachshund for a walk, or going to hide in the back room. I could not even change a diaper, without gagging and vomiting from the sight and smell. Because of this, I can no longer take on the responsibility of having pets, either...even though I do have a fondness for dachshunds, as noted above.
7) She must be willing to take care of my disabilities and needs, as I will try to do likewise with her. I would prefer that she be able to work, as I am no longer able to do so, because of declining health. I am FULLY DISABLED, with a whole slew of medical issues, and have a Medic Alert membership. I won't bore you with all of the health ailment details here...but suffice it to say, I'm a BASKET CASE...because at the MINIMUM, I have:
a) Daily migraine headaches from two indirect lightning strikes (I still got the severe shock), and a severe concussion from an injury after falling off of an 8 foot vault on the Physical Education Field in junior high school...all over 35 years ago. I also have severe short term memory issues as a result...if I get distracted from what I'm doing at the time, everything that I was involved with is GONE. I have literally ''gone blank'' during times of asking The Lord to bless the food I am about to receive...much to my embarassment...and they could have been ''mini strokes''. Janice had to finish the prayer for me...and this happened more than once. It is even difficult to remember what someone just spoke to me 15 seconds ago!! If the headaches are severe enough, I'll go into nausea and vomiting. As it is, I'm taking 2 Excederin migraine tablets, when needed. Being hypersensitive to anesthetics (item 7f noted below), I have to limit what I take in pain relievers, etc. on a daily basis.
With the first lightning strike, I had my hands on the metal frame of a plate glass window in the living room of my parents home, and moisture condensation had occurred, from the thunderstorms going on outside at the time...as I was intrigued watching the lightning dance across the sky. There were coconut palm trees in the front yard, and one of the fronds was on the house, when lightning hit the tree. The neighbors across the street noted that ''the house was encased in a ball of fire''. I started screaming bloody murder from the shock...I was only 3 at the time, and you couldn't take a flash picture of me for over 10 years afterwards. The strike blew tiles off the bathroom wall, and sent sparks out the back of the house...amazingly, the house itself didn't catch fire!!
The second lightning strike occurred when I was 16, after delivering an afternoon newspaper route on a bicycle, during a thunderstorm (I didn't learn to drive until I was 17). As I went to balance myself on the washing machine in the garage, to strip out of my wet clothes, lightning hit the house again.
There have also been other instances where I've had lightning strike within 50 yards of me...but those times, amazingly, I didn't get shocked...but it was still too close for comfort!!
I have also been under two tornadic funnel clouds, within a mile of 2 rain wrapped tornadoes, and in swirling floodwaters... events that I do NOT wish to repeat!! I can't even watch weather videos anymore, as they give me nightmares.
b) Daily abdominal cramps from colitis, diverticulitis, and irritable bowel syndrome. Some days, it seems I'm constantly in the bathroom on the toilet!! For the women, think of your worst monthly menstrual cycle cramps, and multiply the pain factor by ten, if not more. I have literally been bent over in tears many times, from the intense pain...and yet, there is nothing that can be done about it...surgery, or otherwise. Thankfully, yearly colonoscopies, have shown no sign of colon cancer (the second greatest cause of death, behind breast cancer and heart disease)...and I hope to keep it that way. Several years ago, a 24 year old woman in central Arkansas was diagnosed with colon cancer... and died from it six weeks later. Another woman, embarassed by ''blood in her stool'', didn't tell her doctor. Violent abdominal pain 9 months later led to a trip to the Emergency Room, where stage 4 colon cancer was discovered...it was too late to save her life. Had she told her doctor when it first occurred, she might be alive today. A national country western star, thinking rectal bleeding was from hemorrhoids, was shocked to find it was stage 4 colon cancer.
Along this line, she must not be embarassed when it comes to personal bodily functions. In fact, medical staff will ask you about ''the three P's...peeing, pooping, and procreation''. Years ago, people would talk about their bowels, and not say a word about sex...now, it's the other way around!! Any CHANGE in yours, or your spouses bowel, bladder, or sexual habits...should be grounds for IMMEDIATE MEDICAL ATTENTION. The sooner medical personnel can detect something wrong, the better chance you have of surviving. And, many forms of cancer...especially in their early stages... have NO SYMPTOMS. That's why it's best for each of you to have yearly physical examinations. I also recommend that males do regular testicular self exams, while the females do regular breast self exams. If you wait until you are very ill, you may find yourself riddled with cancer, with only a few weeks left to live. Besides, medical professionals have seen more pubic (private) areas (genitalia), breasts, and buttocks, than anyone else ever will...nudity means nothing to them. As a T-Shirt I saw once said...''I'm here to save your butt...not kiss it''!!
c) Daily coughing fits from sinus drainage...especially after eating...which can lead to vomiting.
d) Inability to regulate my body temperature, due to the lightning strikes noted above, and a severe sunburn over 30 years ago. I can go from chills to fever and back again in a matter of minutes...as if I had the flu. As a result, I usually sleep naked...with the ceiling fan on low...to help keep my body temperature in line.
e) Sympathy Sickness...see item 6 above.
f) Hypersensitiveity to anesthetics, or medicines that make one drowsy. My blood pressure tends to plummet under sedation, and the taking of an anti-nausea prescription medication (promethazine, phenagren, etc.), will knock me out within 10 minutes... then I'm too groggy the rest of the day to do much of anything else. I have to warn medical personnel of this before any procedure is begun on me...if they aren't careful, I could die during the procedure.
g) Increased arthritis in my arms and legs. I have to now use a cane and a walker at times...and may soon have to consider a wheelchair. I try to square dance once a week, to get some exercise... but at times, still experience sharp, short bursts of pain, in my legs, from sciatica. I am afraid that one day, my legs will buckle on me, and I'll take a nasty fall, risking further injury. The pain makes it difficult to sleep at night...so, I end up sleeping (or trying to sleep) during the day. I also can not sit, or stand in one place, for long periods of time... mainly due to arthritis, which has been confirmed by X-Ray. I also have neuropathy...pain, burning, and tingling in my arms and legs. It is not diabetic related, although I'd be most likely to develop type 2 diabetes...plus, they have ruled out Multiple Sclerosis, and are not yet ready to call it Fibromyalgia. The bottom line is that they apparently have no idea what is causing it...the lightning strikes years ago may be to blame, because of possible nervous system damage.
h) I am allergic to stinging insects (bees, wasps, yellow jackets, hornets, etc.). Once, I was stung on the lower lip by a wasp that had crawled into my soft drink can. My lower lip swelled to the size of my upper and lower lips together. I now carry an EpiPen with me. Many other people have to do likewise...as if they get stung, and are unable to get treatment within as little as 30 minutes, they will die!!
i) I have Sleep Apnea, and have a CPAP machine. Unfortunately, due to electrical issues (grounding) at the apartment complex where I live...and because of frequent lightning strikes here during storms, I do not use it, as I have to have water with it...and the last thing I need is electrocution. During a sleep study several years ago (where I was ''wired for sound''), it was discovered I stopped breathing every 40 seconds!! Thankfully, The Good Lord woke my body up, and restarted my breathing. Many people who have ''excessive snoring'' at night may, in fact, have ''Sleep Apnea'', and not even know it...and tragically, some die in their sleep because of it.
j) An arrhythmia was detected on an EKG during my yearly physical exam in February, 2009. However, an echocardiogram showed nothing unusual, as the heart muscle seemed to be in good shape. I underwent the ''groin dye injection procedure'' in April, 2012...but thankfully, no blockage was detected, but it was found that I do have high blood pressure. I would rather be raptured, than to die like Janice did.
k) I was diagnosed with kidney stones in April, 2010. They have run in my family...with my late father, my late grandmother, my brother, my uncle, and my cousin...among others...having had them. Arkansas and Tennesee have been called ''the kidney stone belt''...as more reports of kidney stones come from these two states, than anywhere else in the country. The pain with these, for a male, is comparable, to a woman in severe labor (childbirth).
8) She must be unselfish, and not harbor petty jealousy. Janice didn't have a selfish or jealous bone in her body...except when it related to her food...especially anchovies on pizza (I told her ''you can have those nasty things''!!). I was engaged once before, nearly 30 years ago...and, unlike Janice, that female wanted to always go to the most expensive place, and always have me ''to pick up the tab''. She also wanted me to forsake all my hobbies outside of work, and spend every waking moment with her. Marriage is a ''give and take, two way street'' relationship. Janice said that ''I won't make you give up anything that makes you happy''...and she had an active part in my hobbies. Also, whether we ate at The Olive Garden, or at McDonalds, in Janice's words, ''food is food''. After all, it goes in the same way, and the waste goes out the same way. While she offered many times to help, and pay for things, I was usually able to do it. However, her thoughtfulness was greatly appreciated.
9) She must be willing to deal with the idea of ''no children''...adopted or natural. I had a severe attack of the chicken pox over 30 years ago, that hospitalized me for a week...and the State Health Department would NOT let me go back to work or school for 2 months. It was like someone had dropped me into a vat of itching powder, and I was put into isolation, as they thought I was going into encephalitis. Anyone coming to visit me had to put on protective clothing. and the doctor said that ''it was the worse case that he had ever seen''. Not one part of my body...top to bottom, front to back...went unscathed...and it likely made me sterile. Pardon the bluntness here...but had I been married back then, I likely would not have been able to have been ''intimate'' with my wife for a long time... that's how bad it was!!
Combine that with numerous other medical issues, I chose to undergo a vasectomy, just before getting married in 2003. As a result, I'm UNABLE to have children...and, I would undergo a test, to VERIFY that this remains the case. Plus, I had a bad experience over 30 years ago, where an undisciplined child destroyed an expensive umbrella that I had... and the parents had the idea of ''my child would never do something like that''. I am of the old school, where ''children should be seen, and not heard...and not speak, unless they are spoken to''.
Before Janice and I ''became an item'', I knew women ''who wanted sex and kids so bad that they could taste it''...basically, they were nymphomaniacs!! Janice did not want kids either...and yet, we had an excellent ''romantic life''. To us, our ''son'' was our dachshund; and for many people...their pets are their kids. Sex is NOT the ''be all and end all'' part of marriage, but, a ''fringe benefit''. Besides, the way the world is nowadays, and with my EXTREMELY LIMITED income (I can NO LONGER WORK, due to being FULLY DISABLED (see item 6 above)), I can NOT afford, or deal with the extra expense, and emotional hassle of children...especially considering that I just exited Chapter 13 Bankruptcy. Plus, as noted in item 5 above, I'm extremely squeamish...even changing a diaper will likely make me gag and vomit. And, because of severe arthritis in my arms and legs (item 7g above), it's extremely painful for me to engage in sexual intimacy anymore. And, if my future spouse had a heart condition, such as congestive heart failure, we likely would not engage in sexual intimacy...as that's how Janice died...from a massive heart attack, after ''the act of marriage''...and it brings back too many bad memories.
10) She must be committed, trustworthy, and faithful to me...and I would prefer to marry a virgin, if possible. I am NOT interested in a woman who is promiscuous, ''sleeps around'', or who is flirtatious with other men. When a couple is married before God and their peers, they are to exemplify these traits, submitting to each other graciously, and only ''lust and desire for one another''. She must be willing to undergo a test for ''sexually transmitted diseases''. Janice was the only woman I have ever had sexual relations with (we both were sexual virgins when we married), and I have no interest in a woman who has been promiscuous over her life, or sexually active with more than her marriage partner. I know of one woman who was so promiscuous in her younger days, that she is now ''paying the price'' for her actions...she now has to take blood thinners the rest of her life...to avoid clots forming in her bloodstream, that could eventually cause her to have a paralyzing stroke, or a fatal heart attack.
11) She must be willing to undergo a criminal background check from a law enforcement agency. A couple is to be open to each other in every way...and not to hide things from each other. They're going to know each others deepest, darkest, secrets...never mind just seeing each other naked. While Janice and I did shower together, it was because I have always had a propensity for falling on slick bathroom tile floors...with or without a bathmat...and am otherwise ''accident prone''...especially now with the arthritis, and other ailments. Janice and I were extremely open with each other, and it's because of this...while we had our disagreements...we NEVER had a huge fight in all the time we were married.
The angriest I ever saw her, was the night our dachshund, Fritz, tried to ''reassert his role as the dominant male''...and nearly took my nose off my face!! However, he was sternly reminded that he was NOT the dominant male anymore, as she ''read him the riot act''!! While there were times each of us ''needed our space'', we always talked out, and prayed out every disagreement. Besides, the news is filled with ''domestic abuse'' incidents daily. While EVERY COUPLE is bound to have disagreements...we took ours before The Lord for guidance, and eventual resolution. If you don't have disagreements, you have a ''pressure cooker relationship''. One of these days, it will blow up on you...and it will be messy...to say the least.
12) She must be willing to understand my emotions, as I will try to understand hers. At times, both of us cried for various reasons...whether for joy or sadness. Besides, if The Lord Jesus Christ wept (John 11:35), while He was on Earth...I see no shame in times of tears. As noted, marriage is a give and take relationship...and sometimes, sacrifices must be made. As the old saying goes, ''it is better to give than to receive''.
13) She must not be wanting excess body piercings, or tattoos of any sort. Janice and I were in COMPLETE AGREEMENT on both of these. I can deal with earrings, as many women have them...and Janice had in her ear lobes ONLY...three (3) SMALL earrings...and that, to me, is ENOUGH. Take note that I have a BIG PROBLEM with piercing any other parts of the anatomy...and, this includes private areas (genitalia, buttocks, breasts, etc.), that should ONLY be seen by medical personnel...or ones spouse, in the intimacy of their bedroom!! From a Biblical standpoint, excessive piercing was a signal that you were a ''slave'' to someone else. As noted, in a marriage relationship, the couple ministers to each others needs, and it's a two way street concerning committments. Both must be willing to sacrifice for each other, and forsake their own selfish desires.
Concerning tattoos, these are akin to ''taking a mark'', such as The Mark Of The Beast (Revelation 13:18). All those who take this Mark will be condemned to the Lake Of Fire, to suffer forever with Satan and his demons. Getting a tattoo applied...let alone removed...is extremely painful...not to mention expensive. Plus, there are dangers of infection from the process...and to me, it's not worth the risk, hassle, or expense (I have better things to spend my money on). The practice of tattooing also involves a process known as ''bloodletting''...which has origins with the occult, Devil Worship, Satanism, etc. For further details, click here, and here.
14) She must be willing to wait at least two (2) years, before the marriage ceremony itself. As noted above, even if I were to start a new relationship tomorrow, I would want to date for at least ONE FULL YEAR, then be engaged for at least ONE FULL YEAR...before being married. And, the way the world is going, The Rapture Of The Church may occur before I re-marry. Again, the issue of remarriage is up to The Lord Jesus Christ...if it was only up to me, I likely would NOT even have this section on this page. I am NOT interested in a relationship where there is PRESSURE to get married, or do things within that relationship...even though it does get very lonely at times.
15) She must be willing to be married ''until death us do part''...as Janice and I were...and so it was. This means ''death by natural means'', and NOT where they are the victim of murder by their spouse in a fit of angry rage!! Janice died of a massive heart attack, after ''the act of marriage'' one final time...and we managed to say ''I Love You'' to each other before she died...to this day, I still get tears in my eyes thinking of it. Because of this, if I did remarry, according to The Lord's Will, I would not be guilty of adultery.
Along this line, I would prefer to marry a Christian woman (item #1 above) who is either widowed, or has never married. The only way I'd even consider a relationship with a divorced Christian woman, was if the reason for the divorce was desertion or infidelity, on the part of her former spouse...these are the ONLY BIBLICAL REASONS FOR DIVORCE. But, even then, I would be EXTREMELY LEARY of such a relationship...due to possible jealousy of her former spouse.
I have heard of a case where the couple wanted a divorce only 15 minutes after they were pronounced ''man and wife''... and of another case, where at the ceremony itself, it was the bride who said that ''she felt that they should not be married'' (she spoke, instead of holding her peace). Needless to say, it shocked the preacher, along with everyone else there...the parents weren't happy about it, either!! The number of divorces filed and granted...at least in central Arkansas...is outnumbering the number of marriage licenses issued by, at times, a ratio of five to one!! While You'll Answer Only For Yourself When You Stand Before The Lord one day, Your Life Is Being Recorded, and everything from birth to The Moment Of Your Death will be reviewed at The Judgment...including the details of your married life...will be revealed for all to see.
16) She must be willing to agree to ''marriage counseling''...before both her preacher, and my preacher...even though the wedding would take place in Her Church...and then, we'd move to My Church, during our marriage. Of course, it'd be easier if both of us were at the same church to begin with. Both Janice and I did this...and, because we knew The Lord was there as well (Jesus said ''where two or three are gathered together in My Name, there I am in their midst'' (Matthew 18:20)), we were open and honest before each of them. Both preachers felt that ''we had our heads on straight, and had covered everything they were going to discuss with us''. In fact, some preachers will REFUSE to marry a couple who will not go through this ''marriage counseling'' process.
As noted above, as a courtesy to Janice, I stayed at her church during our marriage...even though the custom was for us to move to my church after the wedding. After her death, I went back to my church...as the memories of her at her church were too much to bear, emotionally. As noted above, due to recent ostracization by area congregations, as well as health issues, I have no plans to get back with an area congregation.
17) She must be willing to live ''debt free''...no credit cards. If I knew over 15 years ago what I know now, I NEVER would have gotten involved with credit or debit cards...as I just exited Chapter 13 Bankruptcy... mainly from health and financial issues. I have already cancelled numerous services that I had been using...and barely get just over $1000 a month in disability benefits.
I am so angered that numerous ''fat cat CEO's'' are moaning that over a million dollars a year salary isn't enough, members of Congress are making almost 20% of that (and giving themselves a raise each year), some lawyers get over $1000 an hour, and yet, I myself (or many others on disability, etc.) can't get $1000 a month...WHERE IS THE JUSTICE??!!.
Even if I were to come into a large sum of money, I do NOT want, or need an expensive lifestyle. To me, a place with a roof over my head, comfortable temperatures, and a place to eat, sleep, clean up, and enjoy my hobbies is enough for me.
18) She must have a stable personality in all aspects. While I realize everyone has a temper...and times, couples ''need their space''...and that some of this ''instability'' can't be helped...I do not have the physical, emotional, spiritual, or financial means, to deal with someone who is bi-polar, or has another ''emotional disorder''...with ''a large number of wants'', as it were. In fact, the best way to financial independence is ''to focus on your needs, and eliminate your wants''. To me, someone who is bi-polar is like ''a kangaroo hopping from one place to another...trying to find a place of rest...unable to make up their mind''.
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